


Everything I love about me

by DaniTsubasa



Series: Guardians of the Galaxy [30]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Affection, Crying, F/M, Forehead Kisses, Gamora reveals something painful about her past, Hugs, Kissing, Past Rape/Non-con, Peter is shocked, Peter takes care of her, Promises, Talking, True Love, True Love's Kiss, bad memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 13:37:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19427047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniTsubasa/pseuds/DaniTsubasa
Summary: On a seemingly common night, Gamora decides to tell Peter how she won the drawings on her face.





	Everything I love about me

**Author's Note:**

> Guardians of the Galaxy and their characters don't belong to me, I leave the credits to Marvel and James Gunn.
> 
> This same story was posted by me in Nyah Fanfiction.
> 
> *The chapter fanart belongs to Fennethianell.
> 
> What Gamora reports in this one happened in the comics. I didn't get a chance to read the whole story, so the details may be different. Usually we don't stop to think about Gamora's traumas because she seems like a rock of strength and determination most of the time, and in fact she is like that, but she went through traumas as deep as she suggested in the first Guardians film while they were in prison. And I believe that the strongest warriors are the ones who allow themselves to live their moments of vulnerability in order to reach a new and better version of themselves in the end.

“You were very reckless,” Gamora said, sliding her fingers gently over Peter's scar on his thorax where one of the girls he had deceived had tried to tear him.

“You almost gave me one of those on the neck,” he teased.

“You started.”

The two shared a silent smile.

“Yes, I deserved that. But it's true that I fell in love with you when I saw you in Xandar. I just wasn't sure yet.”

“And when did you have it?”

“When I saved you in space and Yondu rescued us. And you?”

“When we dance in Ego.”

Peter couldn't help but smile. The moment had been broken by a fight, which left him alone for hours listening to his walkman and feeling terrible for having argued with her, desperate for her to come back and talk. To know that, in spite of this, it had been the moment when she had perceived to feel the same for him was comforting.

They were now in their pajamas, getting ready to go to sleep. Usually they talked until they fell asleep and fell asleep a little after the other occupants of the ship. They had defeated Ego about ten months ago, when Yondu hadn't lost his life for very, very little trying to save Peter. He and Gamora had been dating since then, and she'd started sleeping in the bedroom with him three months later, sometimes they slept in her bedroom.

“My life had no purpose and no sense until that day. And when we were getting ready to face Ronan, it was hard to think that maybe it would all be over the next day whether Ronan killed us or for each one decides to go their own way. It was the first time I had spent so much time without feeling empty and out of place. And without even thinking about looking for some girl to spend the night.”

“I'm glad you're comfortable to tell me this.”

Peter smiled.

“Although Thanos remains alive, it's good to have a life. The night I came to officially live on the ship when we defeated Ronan was very strange. Deciding everything for myself without so many circumstances weighing on my shoulders was good and confusing at the same time.”

“I think we all find those weird days somehow. But it was the best thing we did.”

Gamora nodded as she watched him finally put on his shirt and kept the look she saw on his face sometimes when they talked, as if he wanted to tell her something, but he always gave up.

“You can talk”

“Talk what?”

“What you’re thinking. For months I've noticed that look on your face, but you never tell me what it is.”

“It's just... I don’t know if it's good or bad.”

“You'll never know if you don’t tell me.”

They both leaned against the head of the bed and Peter looked at her apprehensively.

“I was curious to know... If the drawings on your face are from birth.”

Gamora took a deep breath. Though she couldn't even imagine what Peter wanted to tell her, the doubt was agonizing. But now that she knew she feared she would hurt him with the outcome the conversation might have. She knew that Peter liked her marks, he always caressed it in some of their moments alone. And she also knew how depressed he was when she was hurt or impacted by anything, even if only memories.

“Mora...? Did I said something wrong?”

The warrior stared at him and the pain in his eyes hurt her. If he had an idea ...

“No... Everyone on my planet was born with these marks. When we grew up it became more discreet, but remained. But it was simply drawings of lighter green. It was Thanos who changed mine.”

“I’m sorry.”

Gamora intertwined her fingers with his and the look she gave him told him that there was something much deeper and more painful behind it, and that at least a part of her wanted to tell him.

“Do you... Want to talk about it? You know you can tell me anything, honey,” Peter spoke, feeling her shake, he had begun to call her like that a few months ago, but it seemed a lot less time for her, and Peter was happy for her to accept it well and even like it.

Her eyes flashed and for a moment Gamora seemed to be far away.

“Don't fight alone. You no longer need. I'm here, give me your pain, Gamora.”

The brightness turned to tears, though she hadn't let it fall. Peter had told her so many times over the past few months, when they had shared several of their worst nightmares, little by little reducing the weight the past inflicted upon them. She was silent for several minutes, but Peter said nothing, waiting for her to decide the next step, as he always expected. And this was one of the things she loved most about him, he would never hasten her to anything. 

“Hey,” he said quietly, rearranging their positions so she would sit between his legs, and pulled her into a hug, making her rest on his chest. “I'm sorry.”

Gamora shook her head, indicating that he wasn't to blame for anything. Usually she would block memories like that in the blink of an eye and push her pain away before anyone noticed, but she couldn't hide from Peter. She loved him and trusted him more than anyone else since Thanos had kidnapped her. The two had learned and grown up together in the last few months.

“It was when I was a child,” she finally said. “I must have been ten or eleven. I was already fighting well and Thanos had already made me commit some murders.”

Peter had thought to interrupt her and tell her that she didn't need to relive any of it, but his heart sank with that revelation. He couldn't. Gamora couldn't continue to keep that pain buried inside her. And Peter was willing to take her pain and hold her in his embrace to make her feel that she was no longer alone with her nightmares. They had talked about so many things in the last few months, but this one, whatever it was, seemed to hurt her much more. To begin with, no ten-year-old child should have to kill someone by force.

“I was alone somewhere on the planet where he took us that day. I missed no opportunity to stay away from him. A gang surrounded me. They weren't very strong, but they were many. I was able to fight in the beginning, I ended up quick with some of them, but they came more. They were many and bigger than me. The time came when I couldn't handle it anymore and the blows that hit me started to hurt because they hit several times in the same places. One of them hit my legs with something, maybe a metal bar, and I couldn't get up. They... Beat me until I couldn't move, but enough so that I would stay awake.”

“Mora...” Peter's voice was a whisper full of sadness and pain, and she felt him squeeze her harder.

Imagining her so wounded, alone, defenseless, and humiliated was horrible to him. Especially so small.

“They screamed. Some laughed, but most shouted random things I didn't have the strength to understand anymore. And then... Then...”

Peter waited, and froze when she closed her eyes and couldn't say the rest of the sentence. When her tears finally hit his shirt he was sure he knew what had happened. The Star Lord embraced her tightly, and kissed the top of her head as his own tears escaped his eyes. How could a child have to go through something so cruel?! How could Thanos allow it?! He might not have been the fault of this particular situation, but he was the cause, and Peter was even more convinced of how much he hated the titan, and even more aware of how deep and painful Gamora's traumas were. And he swore to himself, that if the attackers were alive, he would find them, and he would do away with each one of them.

“Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me they didn’t do this to you.”

Her only response was the silence and her fingers tightening on the fabric of his shirt.

“My love...” he murmured, unable to say anything else, letting her cry as much as she needed.

These were tears contained for years, since the night she had become an orphan and had cried for hours on Thanos's ship as he tried to console her and Gamora screamed at him and attacked him by throwing anything she found, including the dagger he gave her.

“I lost consciousness sometime,” she said softly through her tears. “I don't know if it was one or several, but there was no care, and it hurt a lot. I wanted to die. And I thought I was. I thought I had, until I woke up months later in one of the laboratories on Thanos' ship, with various cyber upgrades. He used my birthmarks to access my head.”

“Sorry, love! I'm sorry!” Peter asked, cradling her head with one hand and kissing her temple. “I didn't want to make you cry. And don't even relive it all.”

“I needed to say... I had to tell this to someone. But I never got. I tried to tell Nebula a few times when I started having nightmares, but I could only cry. We were still very young. She was kind to me at the time, but she never really knew the details.”

Peter stroked her hair and let her cry in silence. If he was already taking things slowly and trying all the world's care with Gamora, now he would have even more. All he didn't want was to hurt her. And by the time they reached a certain point in their relationship, they both knew they would eventually come, he would do anything to make her feel safe, and accept whatever decisions she made.

“I wish I'd told you before,” she whispered as she grew calmer.

“All in the right time,” Peter said quietly, pressing his forehead against hers.

Gamora wrapped her hands around his shoulders and hugged him harder. Peter looked at her deeply, a look she could only keep coming from him.

“I swear this will never happen again. I know you don't need to, but I promise to take care of you and protect you always.”

Gamora nodded, and none of them spoke for long seconds, never looking away from each other.

“Thanos killed them all,” she said, stroking the Terran's face.

Peter let out a sigh. He knew that Gamora had an extensive collection of traumas and bad times, but he never considered that being beaten and raped by criminals was one of them. He didn't know if she had guessed what he was thinking, but he still felt his tension ease a little knowing that they had found their well-deserved end.

“My people were peaceful. Despite the great physical strength, speed and reflexes. I should never have become what Thanos made me.”

Peter plunged his nose into her hair as he stroked her back, and remembered the days when Gamora believed she was nothing more than a murderess toying with saving the world as soon as they became the Guardians of the Galaxy. And Peter had been working tirelessly ever since to change that and make her see the wonderful being she was and the golden heart she had.

The Star Lord kissed Zehoberi's cheek at length, whispering a “I love you” so softly against the green skin that someone without cybernetic enhancements wouldn't have heard. He felt more silent tears wet his shirt, and they remained silent for a long time, regaining their normal breathing and heartbeat. Gamora closed her eyes and comforted herself with the movement of his breath and the cuddle on her hair.

“Are you alright?” Peter finally asked.

“I'll be,” she said quietly. “It was good to get rid of this.”

“Never wait to tell me these things. Tell me. You thought to tell me sooner?”

“Yes. But I never thought it was a good time.”

Several seconds later Gamora lifted her head from his shoulder to look at him.

“Peter... About both of us. Does something seem different to you now?”

“What...? Never,” he assured her, stroking the warrior's face. “Never, never, never, "Peter whispered, kissing her softly on the lips." Let's go through it, and all, together, "he promised, wrapping his fingers around hers on his shoulder." And when we get at that point... It's you who will decide everything and guide me. All for you, Gamora. I want you to have the best memories of your life from now on, as I have since I met you.”

Gamora ignored the new tears beginning to form in her eyes and pulled him into a long, passionate kiss, sighing against the Terran's lips. She felt Peter dry his face gently as he kissed her and continued his hand there caressing her skin, his thumb skirting the marks of her cheek. The two took a deep breath as they pulled away. Peter stared at her and gently wiped away the tears that were still on her face.

“At that time I became convinced that miracles didn't exist. None of us could ever escape from Thanos, Nebulosa believed that until months ago. I've become everything I hated. I had no idea what was going to happen.”

“And what has changed now?”

“I found that I love some things in me. And they all came after I met a stupid dancer in Xandar.”

Peter laughed as he hugged her.

“And after our family started.”

Peter kissed her beside her left eye, smiling against her skin.

“Then you admit that I am your miracle,” he gave her that sweet smile that made her crumble inside whenever she saw.

She smiled, the gleam in her eyes turning from tears to joy.

“All of you,” she teased, even if it was true.

“I deserve a little more credit, I'm your Kevin Bacon.”

She laughed, stared at him and caressed his face, remembering how he'd made her smile as they danced alone earlier that day.

“I love you, my Star Lord.”

Peter beamed, seeing Gamora do the same as he cupped her face with both hands and pressed his forehead against hers. Both eyes locked with all the love in the universe in the seconds before the moment their lips touched again. He loved the smile of his warrior, and he would live so that it would never go away.


End file.
